its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my being single is dangerous.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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