How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
