Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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