fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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