people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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