He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
