I'm gonna have a badass scar
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize