not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
