What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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