I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
