Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
