Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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