I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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