Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
