I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
