You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
