I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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