Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
