i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
