Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
