When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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