I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize