Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
