im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
