I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
