Swine flu is the new snow day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
