We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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