Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
