it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
