The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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