don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
