I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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