the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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