smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Cover your peen. We're going out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
