hotel room ftw
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
