I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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