Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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