My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
