man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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