Having a random hookup so left but love u
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
