Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
