When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
