There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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