I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
