dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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