Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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