He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
