i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the liver wants what the liver wants
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
