so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize