The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
