Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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