just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
