this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
