the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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