Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
