The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
