he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
