I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
