hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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