I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
soo... how was my night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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