Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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