Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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