Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
