adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
