i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
