I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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