Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize