girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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