It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
