I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
