I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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