8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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